There are still JOES in harm's way!

So AmandaB and I have been on many dragon adventures, resulting in many dragon Ta(i)l(e)s for us to share with you. Mostly, though, we've watched bad movies at our local dollar theater, or acquired from our local (and exceptionally convenient) REDBOX (teehee...).

Upon telling our friends that we are going to see, say, Hannah Montana or maybe Leatherheads or Twilight, we've received raised eyebrows and skepticism. Amazingly, though, it was when mentioning our intent to see GI JOES that I received the most scorn and mocking. Really? Of all the movies? Even Hannah Montana?

That said, it does have the all-star cast meant to induce scorn: Channing Tatum (Or is it Tatum Channing??? What the hell is his name?), Sienna Miller (somehow managing to be in several good movies, and still be awful in all of them-- I should marry and divorce a celebrity so I can be famous too!), and one of the Wayans (I think Marlon? Best known for his screaming like a woman, probably, in all of the mock movies (see Scary Movie or Dance Flick or whatever other stupid-I-have-no-original-ideas-of-my-own mock films they made), and of course Dennis Quaid (who I have since come to the realization is like Nick Cage in that if I see his name on the Marquee I can pretty much assume disaster is in the distance). But is that all? Oh no. Then we have strange cameos from the usually delightful Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the always awful (well, post Encino Man) Brendan Fraser (who has about 5 minutes in the movie-- his best line? They're Joes guys...).

There were, of course, other folks too-- a cute but evil asian guy. That one white guy with the big nose and the accent. Some redheaded chic.

I was really looking forward to the laugh riot meant to occur during this movie. It did not, however, happen. This movie was bad, no doubt. And the dialogue, just terrible. (Sienna Miller "Nice shoes" and CT/TC "I'm getting YOU out of here" and Wayans "Suddenly not one memorable moment of dialogue because my character is so stock/cliche that I couldn't even have one moment of memorable dialogue cliche.") The thing is, that even as I sit to write this, there is very little I can remember about the movie. It was non-memorable. What I remember most is that every time someone said "Joes" (because they weren't referred to as GI Joes in the movie) I thought of those joes potatoes you can get in the deli of your local grocery. Every time. So when they say "Lets get those Joes out of there" I see someone scooping fried potatoes. When they say "There are still Joes in Harm's way!" I know that ketchup is near and death by digestion nigh.

And what is the deal with all of the black leather outfits on ladies in movies. I mean, why couldn't we leave it at catwoman. She was always supposed to be in black leather. Everyone else is thieving. Bad copies.

All of this to say I'm sad that I can't relate more of the joys of this little flick. That I didn't leave in riotous laughter which I can now relate to you. I did, however, participate in 2 hours of complete and total braindeaded-ness which, considering that last several weeks, seemed about right.

In other DRAGON news...

PBR is definitely the nectar of dragons. It's gone to the committee for review and been approved.

Also Swedish Fish.

I Guess Things Are Gettin Pretty Serious

After a series of cancellations, I find myself with a mostly free Saturday. I sit in my dragon office, pretentiously sipping my shortbread latte, and pondering how in the earth I am going to pry my contacts--which have not been removed for going on 30 hours now--from my eyes.

Amber Nelson and I decided to have a Time last night. After cruisin (aka getting horribly lost in the clusterfuck layout) the mallz of Boise, looking for 18 year old fly honeys, purple peacoats, elusive jeans, and the Right Thing from our favorite store, The Icing, we trolled the shady back alleys of David's Bridal. One thing led to another and then all of a sudden there was Casey "I Will Sing I'm A Little Teapot Sexier Than You, Bitch," Jenga with absurd commands on it, neighbors from Eastern European countries, hordes of cats, and puddle stomping. And weird hats. Lots of those.

Time accomplished. What I really wanted to talk about is how much of a moron I am. To some degree, shotgunning a PBR is justification for one's penchant for saying and doing moronic things. Alas, I find myself sober most of the time. Especially lately.
Things that have happened over the course of my (recent) life:

1.) I'm playing online Scrabble and I really think I can get a bingo. I like bingos. I have the letters E,G,E,Y,S,U, and W. There's an open A. I spell out S-E-G-U-E-W-A-Y and click play. Invalid word. I ask my officemate if segueway is one word or two and he is confused. In spite of my refusal to believe that it is true, especially since I am fond of using the word in my stuent feedback, I eventually admit that "segueway" is actually just "segue."

2.) One of my favorite things ever is re-watching taped Christmas Specials from late 80's/early 90's with my siblings. Preferably when my eyeliner happy superhero sister makes wassail. The thing that brings me the greatest joy are the commercials--Burger King Fish Sticks, crimped hair, a prancing Grimace telling Ronald McDonald to put the effing fallen star back into the sky, Alf. We see a Kay commercial, which I'm almost certain is the same one they are still using. I tell my sister something along the lines of, Every Kiss Begins with Kay is a terrible slogan, doesn't make any sense, and is factually inaccurate. She then pointed out that they were cleverly referring to the Letter "K." ....Oh.

3.) It was less than two years ago, I believe, that I realized that The Count from Sesame Street was called the Count because he, well, counted.

When you type "bad ass dragon" into Google Images, this is the first dragon that comes up.

Hey now! Even dragons have to nap sometimes.

Ok, ok. I know, I've been slow to post and what I posted last, even, was wimpy. I get it.

BUT, while I have a moment of your (my) time to spare, I thought I'd divulge a few things.

1) I breathe fire (in the form of two public readings-- which is, come on... you can admit it... pretty bad. ass.

2) I have a kitten. She, too, is a dragon. Watch her slay my basil and arugula! The cord to my ancient mac laptop! The cords on my blinds! And be oh-so-adorable while doing it. Also, she roars. Like, really.

3) In pop culture, I have had fewer dragons of late. I miss (oh how I miss!) cheap movie tuesday. However, I did go see The Hangover and let me tell you-- surprisingly funny. I actually laughed! It was amazing. That Bradley Cooper guy-- he is NOT a dragon, rather a bronzed duesch bag. HOWEVER, This Guy: Zach Galifianakis : is. Major dragon. He also breathes fire.

Also, the following bands definitely play music from the perspective of a dragon: them, these, and those. Dominating my pandora, my itunes, my ipod.