Dragon Christmas

I recently dragon-flew my way from Idaho into my original lair of Enfield, Connecticut. I have recently watched Wolverine AND the Wizards of Waverly Place--how awesome would it be if that was just one long title?--but in honor of Christmas, I think I shall talk about Christmas movies.

I say this because my father and sister are currently watching The Holiday Inn. Oh yes, the movie where Bing Crosby dons blackface and pays tribute to Abraham Lincoln. (......) But what I really wanted to talk about is how any self-respecting woman could possibly choose Fred over Bing. Fred is impish (my sister's description) and is constantly drunk and is generally skulking about and occasionally bursting into dance for three minute intervals. I guess he is somewhat suave on the dance floor. Yeah, so was Vanilla Ice. But when Bing sings, angels weep, flowers bloom, and Posh smiles. Even when Bing tries to dance, it's endearing. I don't understand how they are even rivals. It's like the reality show Average Joe where they take all the average Joes and have them compete over some babe. She sort of latches on to the one who would be most passable at a cocktail party, and just when the Average Joe thinks he has her in the bag---bam! The produces manage to scrouge up some straight male models and throw them in the mix.

Bieber (my sister) and I just watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I never noticed how much sexual tension there was between Herbie and his boss elf who says everything in CAPSLOCK. Or between Rudolph and Fireball (his frienemy). Yeah, that's right--Fireball. Do yourself a favor and watch the stretch between when BOSS ELF makes Herbie cry and when Rudolph is exposed as a fraud. Tell me if you don't want to say "That's what she said" after almost every sentence. Yeah, Rudolph, I BET you want to pull Santa's sleigh. I probably should keep Christmas sacred and enjoy the movie like I did when I was a child. .....But the snowman is such a pimp! How could I not have noticed his pimp watch, pimp umbrella, and general swagger before?

I'm going to keep slinking about my house pretending that I'm the paparazzi. I spotted my dad in a flannel frock so I made him hold paper towels. Can you say Brawny man? I captured my mom reading this very blog. So far my sister has been elusive. She doesn't like to be caught in her natural habitat and she also has stopped shaving. She's pretty much a yeti.

Merry Christmas!