Notes from the Other Coast: My Relationship with the Founding Fathers

So. Things are older on the East Coast. It took me living NOT in New England to fully realize this. I suppose our whole country has a relatively short history (I know, I know...there were people here before Europe scampered in with their diseases and guns and written words). But we've got all these years of history on the West Coast--like giving the Redcoats a hawaiian punch in the face, for example, which might, in part, explain New England snobbery, while Idaho was sort of...land West of the Mississippi. I now notice the inevitable old school white church in every town, the random stars people affix to their houses, the porches, and obviously, the Dunkin Donuts (cultural artifacts, each and every one!). Even my hometown, a town you could find in any state--all chain restaurants and vinyl siding--has 18th century backstory. "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," the sermon by Johnny Edwards, often found in American Lit anthologies, was preached in my hometown. Edwards went on a tear about how the Enfield parishioners were pretty much the suck, and were going to be smited (smote?) down pretty soon. OH YEAH. Apparently Edwards was PMSing, because he was usually more of a gentle hippie-like figure. I remember a professor in college telling me that SITHOAAG being what Edwards is remembered for is like when a band you really like all of a sudden gets famous for a song that's atypical for them..and one you don't really like.

ANYWAY, all of this history has got me thinking about American Independence. After all, it was just the Fourth of July. (Fun Fact: Jefferson AND Adams died on the same day. July Fourth.)I wish to share my very own mini-history with the Founding Fathers.

I'm not sure whether it's the way the books were written, or some strange personal bias, but I was always on Team Federalist when reading textbooks in grade school and beyond. I was not cool with Thomas Jefferson. My favorite founding father was Alexander Hamilton. I mean, kind of a no brainer. He was young when he was killed in a duel (badassly tragic), he was a genius, and he laid the framework for a national bank. I even went to Hamilton College. Of course AHam was my favorite. I have drunkenly groped a statue of him.

THEN, I started reading more. And watching more miniseries. And my world was shattered. I think Hamilton may or may not have been like Brain in Pinky and the Brain. Who knows if he really would have taken over the world, but it seems like it might have been an option. John Adams emerged as really honest and earnest, almost to the point where I didn't like him. Like Desdemona. (Though Abigail was a total BAMF.) I was even sympathetic to Jefferson, in spite of him being kind of a dandy, because he wrote good sentences. And I even found BFrank, so infuriating to Adams at times, to be so charming in his ability to mack it with the French ladies when he was way old. So I was torn. Who really deserves to be my favorite founding father? I was tempted to just say someone like John Jay, a dark horse candidate...

And then I saw this commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezk0e1VL80o


And then I thought about this youtube video.


And then I went to Mount Washington in New Hampshire. The evidence was overwhelming.

It's sort of an obvious choice--first president, army hero. But George Washington is the ultimate badass. Even if he drives a dodge.