A GAME OF THRONES: OR BLOOD, TITS, & SCOWLING, THE NFL EDITION

We, all of us, are preparing ourselves for an epic battle the likes of which we have not seen for some 12 moons. So many families (sports teams) will jockey for their position on the Iron Throne (be given frou frou rings like a bunch of nancy boys). They have all waged individual battles, with wins and losses, to find themselves here among the final teams standing.

Otherwise known as:

I can see how this might be complicated, but let me give you a little insight into some of the families:

The Patriots of House Lannister:

I should be able to leave this at obviously. And yet…it’s so much more fun if I don’t…

Tom Brady/Jaime Lannister (aka, Lancelot)

Bill Belicheck/Tywin Lannister (the father figure)

              (I tried to get a picture of him dying on the                                                                                                         toilet…failed)

Wes Welker/Tyrion Lannister (the one you love)

        

…and my personal favorite:

Julian Edelman/Cersei Lannister (the goldilocks)

The Packers of House Stark

It’s not that they are the most beloved by me, though if the Seahawks fall my faith will shift to House Stark. It’s that they are consistently good and there really aren’t many people that I’ve met who genuinely dislike the Packers. (Plus, they have a running back named Starks.) (Double plus, direwolves run in packs!)

Aaron Rodgers/Robb Stark (the foxy boy king)

 

Receivers/Bran Stark (the wide receiver—like radio transmitter since Bran sees the future)

 

Offensive Line/Jon Snow & the Wall (because winter is coming & we gotta protect the QB)

Donald Driver/Arya Stark (bad ass extraordinaire, and everybody’s favorite)  

TJ Lang/Sansa Stark (because they are whiney…)

…and the only really important thing you need to know…

Brett Favre/Ned Stark (because, you know, they were dethroned when other people got to view their disembodied head)

The Seattle Seahawks House of Targaryen

This one requires a bit more unpacking… namely, you have to remember that Daenerys, the only remaining heir to House Targaryen, is, in fact, the mother of dragons.

Pete Carroll/Daenarys Targaryen (the mother of dragons)

 

 

Now let us meet some mother fucking dragons.

Golden Tate/Viserion (the one with the golden mark)

Russell Wilson/Rhaegal (the rookie (ie green))

And finally, Marshawn Lynch/Drogon (who is bigger and stronger than his brothers)

And finally, Marshawn Lynch/Drogon (who is bigger and stronger than his brothers)

_____

That seems like enough for now. Happy Playoffs Weekend!