I Guess Things Are Gettin Pretty Serious

After a series of cancellations, I find myself with a mostly free Saturday. I sit in my dragon office, pretentiously sipping my shortbread latte, and pondering how in the earth I am going to pry my contacts--which have not been removed for going on 30 hours now--from my eyes.

Amber Nelson and I decided to have a Time last night. After cruisin (aka getting horribly lost in the clusterfuck layout) the mallz of Boise, looking for 18 year old fly honeys, purple peacoats, elusive jeans, and the Right Thing from our favorite store, The Icing, we trolled the shady back alleys of David's Bridal. One thing led to another and then all of a sudden there was Casey "I Will Sing I'm A Little Teapot Sexier Than You, Bitch," Jenga with absurd commands on it, neighbors from Eastern European countries, hordes of cats, and puddle stomping. And weird hats. Lots of those.

Time accomplished. What I really wanted to talk about is how much of a moron I am. To some degree, shotgunning a PBR is justification for one's penchant for saying and doing moronic things. Alas, I find myself sober most of the time. Especially lately.
Things that have happened over the course of my (recent) life:

1.) I'm playing online Scrabble and I really think I can get a bingo. I like bingos. I have the letters E,G,E,Y,S,U, and W. There's an open A. I spell out S-E-G-U-E-W-A-Y and click play. Invalid word. I ask my officemate if segueway is one word or two and he is confused. In spite of my refusal to believe that it is true, especially since I am fond of using the word in my stuent feedback, I eventually admit that "segueway" is actually just "segue."

2.) One of my favorite things ever is re-watching taped Christmas Specials from late 80's/early 90's with my siblings. Preferably when my eyeliner happy superhero sister makes wassail. The thing that brings me the greatest joy are the commercials--Burger King Fish Sticks, crimped hair, a prancing Grimace telling Ronald McDonald to put the effing fallen star back into the sky, Alf. We see a Kay commercial, which I'm almost certain is the same one they are still using. I tell my sister something along the lines of, Every Kiss Begins with Kay is a terrible slogan, doesn't make any sense, and is factually inaccurate. She then pointed out that they were cleverly referring to the Letter "K." ....Oh.

3.) It was less than two years ago, I believe, that I realized that The Count from Sesame Street was called the Count because he, well, counted.

When you type "bad ass dragon" into Google Images, this is the first dragon that comes up.