So, AmandaB and I were super excited to venture into Bitch Slap, a sundance film with a hilarious title that claimed to be an homage to B films of the past. And I suppose in some ways it was. But in more ways it was like watching a trashier version of Tarentino's Death Proof. With worse acting.
In the opening scene...a half naked hot chic with unnaturally large breasts breathes heavily on screen, dirty in the sand, (are we sure we're not talking a porn here... well, not so far from the truth as it turns out)... her lips parted... AmandaB and I in unison: "Is she orgasming?!?"
As it turns out, no. Camera pans to destruction about her. Flaming cars and trailers in the desert. Weapons and bodies strewn about. I mean, what's a girl to do?
The movie then flip flops through time, steadily working it's way further into the past where we get to meet Kevin Sorbo! (codename Phoenix) in dark sunglasses touting big guns. It's been decided that Kevin Sorbo is the most dragoniest dragon yet... except his time in the movie was limited and that remains (among many) a major flaw of the film. As we flip flop back and forth, the dialogue and story lines in the past gets better and better and the storylines in the present get more and more absurd. For example, the random water fight that goes on for no less than 5 minutes! To what end? I say libido. (See: Porn comment above.) Also, the random romantic interlude in the trailer (obviously before it's blown up). In the past? The book Slutty Bitches in Post Feminist America. A cameo with Lucy Lawless (read: Xena Warrior Princess) as a nun. Kevin Sorbo. The freaky, freaky motorcycle death seen that you have to see to believe. Who knew castration could be so gruesome?
All in all I'd say it took a good 15-20 minutes to get a hold on what was going on, besides T&A. But there was a whole lot of T&A.
(Go on Dead Acorn, Rejoice! Put it on your netflix queue. You know you want to.)
And so you know:
What does any of this have to do with dragons? Well, even dragons have to cover their eyes sometimes.
However, the accompanying Truffle fries from Boise Fry Company were delightful. Though perhaps not worth the $8 asking price.
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I'm not sure what you mean ... from the trailer, I would think that it's a tender-hearted romantic comedy. I would guess that one of those women has a young daughter trying to get her to find love again, after the tragic loss of her husband to a brain tumor years ago.
ReplyDeleteBut okay, I'll give it a shot ...
I adore the trailer! The music playing when they are doing the first series of lecherous camera angles is genius!
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