Tim McGraw was Robbed, Bitches.

I am not sure why I called shotgun on the right/honor to write about The Blind Side, but I'm pretty certain that it has something to do with Tim McGraw. Before I begin, I should probably divulge my past relationship with Tim.

...So maybe I went to his concert one time. It wasn't my fault. My bff in high school was obsessed with him (I mean, she also went through a J-Lo phase, so this was no big deal), to the point where one Christmas I bought her a charcoal portrait of him from a mall kiosk.

You should probably also know that Tim McGraw has his own cologne. It's called McGraw.

He is also the singer of the song "Indian Outlaw." You should also probably listen to the song on YouTube. Here are three little verses:


You can find me in my wigwam
I'll be beatin' on my tom-tom
Pull out the pipe and smoke you some
Hey and pass it around


I can kill a deer or buffalo
With just my arrow and my hickory bow
>From a hundred yards don't you know
I do it all the time

They all gather 'round my teepee
Late at night tryin' to catch a peek at me
In nothin' but my buffalo briefs
I got 'em standin' in line

The other verses probably cover any other stereotypes you might think of.

ANYWAY, picture AmandaB, AmberN, and CMcGee settling into their dollar theater seats. Insert voice over of Sandra Bullock talking about football in a Southern accent. And then, there it is--Tim McGraw's name, on the screen. Tim McGraw is in The Blind Side! We all start laughing, and by all I mean the three of us and nobody else. From there on out, I knew I had nothing to fear.

I kept waiting for his appearance, with his mustachio and cowboy hat, and then I realized that I had been looking at him all along. He is Sandy's bitch (I mean husband) in the film. I CANT EVEN DEAL. I never thought I would be one for a cowboy hat, but he looks so much better with his cowboy hat on. On, Tim, ON! Every time Sandy and Tim had to act affectionate, I'm pretty sure I covered my eyes. It made me so uncomfortable. I can't even explain it. It was just weird.

The Blind Side was nominated for best picture. So, I guess I thought it would be good....and it appeared, on exiting the theater, that our fellow movie-goers were satisfied. It drives me bonkers, however, when "feel good" movies reduce people, situations, etc., to something that requires an insane amount of suspension of disbelief. It's so calculatingly sentimental. I feel like this guy's story is such a good story, but all the edges have been lopped off. And don't even get me started on the precocious little child with the teeth.

...maybe I don't get it because I've been trying to watch all of the other best picture nominees. I have a huge crush on District 9. I CRIED! Suck on that, The Blind Side. And after last night, District B13--an Oscar nom in my heart. Let us all take a moment to appreciate the joys of synchronized wall climbing, K2, and bromances.


Maybe it's because I just finished Season One of Dexter, or because I'm starting season two of Mad Men. Or because I just watched season four of It's Always Sunny. (Best spring break ever.) Apparently I like to watch programming full of terrible/conflicted people. You know what? I think this one is probably on me. I have been too hard on the Blind Side, and Tim McGraw especially. And so, I officially would like to start campaigning for Tim for next year's Oscar race. I had to choose between something called "Dirty Girl" and this http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1555064/ and I think the latter wins. (Though I would be equally uncomfortable with him being the love interest of G-Pal or the chick from Gossip Girl.)

Thesis defense on Monday! Steve Holt!