Amber stole my rat tail thunder

I was going to write about how much pleasure it brings me to see people break concrete with their heads and kick skewered apples off of swords, but Amber beat me to it. I will say that seeing thirteen year olds whipping around bowstaffs and daggers makes me feel inadequate in several ways. Don't get me wrong--it brings me much pleasure--but I'm also reminded that I have no skills in my skill set. I am in, what, 19th grade, and working on my writing, which is something I learned how to do circa third grade. I wrote an awesome and sexy story about how tulips came to be known as tulips in the third grade. I'm not so much beyond that now. (This is probably obvious.)

And so. I am speculating on the appropriate cut off time for Things That Are Funny (...To Me).

I have vowed several times to stop buying things because they are funny when I hit 25 (twenty-five. I spelled it out for you, A.N.). However, I just found out that my parents' insurance, which is something like 34343 times better than my insurance, covers me until I'm 26. I'm thinking about extending my funny things deadline until I reach 26, as well. I suppose there isn't so much difference between a girl who is 25 wearing earrings made out of scrabble pieces, a tanuki shirt sweatshirt, and carrying a tote with a pokemon and it, and a girl who is 26 and doing these things. However, I'm not sure this would work if I was 65. But, see, in my mind, wearing a yoshi shirt only gets better with age. Conundrum!

In any case, I will never not think a road sign that says "Speed Hump" on it is funny.

I also just realized that I said VD and MR were an excellent "paring" instead of "pairing." This was an accident. But a happy one!

Those Bricks Aren't Regulation...

So what does one do when faced with the ultimate question: to have an afternoon PBR or not? Well, if one is Amber... you have the PBR and watch the USA Open Creative Breaking Championship and spend the entire time rooting for the guy with the Rat Tail. Yeah. That's right. Rat tail.

He didn't win though. WTF? How does the Rat Tail not win? I mean...in my universe, the Rat Tail practically guarantees the Gold.


In other news: Dragon Amber has been battling the Amphibion (aka her Boss) and having awkward first dates (or rather one awkward first date). Life as a dragon can be so tiresome.

Thank god for Creative Breaking... even if the guy with the Rat Tail doesn't win. At least there is a guy with a rat tail. AND a guy with a mullet and a copper (as in police man) mustache named Larry. Three hours I'm happy to never have back.

Thank you amandaB for such a glorious idea!

Making People Want to Uninvolve Themselves With Blogging Since...Two Days Ago

Over the course of my eight years of licensed driving, I've occasionally had the urge to drag race. This would happen sporadically and usually would consist of me seeing an elderly lady--usually in a buick of some sort--a lane over, stopped at a light with me. I would then proceed to rev my V4 (is that right? I'm talking about cars and not juice) and race (in my mind) to the next light. I was pretty much undefeated. The point is, the Fast and the Furious has given me, along with the genius paring of V.D. and Michelle Rodriguez, this desire ALL OF THE TIME.

I also really appreciated how realistic the movie was.

Today I drank a black and tan comprised of Guiness and PBR. And I would do it again.

Everything Vin Says is in his Dragon Voice

I will just say this: V.D.'s tenor does, in fact, seduce even the most resistant dragon ears. That's where his jurisdiction begins.

She Prepares to Watch Vin Diesel from the Perspective of a Dragon

Here I sit, surrounded by NEA grants singed by the fury with which I enter budget information. A cool wind blows through the screen door. Enemies whisper secretively in other rooms, which could bother me, but it doesn't.

One who stumbles upon this missive might ask: what is Dragon Amber thinking (since she's obviously not thinking about the NEA)? I'll tell you what: Vin Diesel (known as V.D. in some circles). Sure, I had planned to wait until I'd truly experienced the sizzling planes of his muscular chest, the way he handles the gearshift in his big, steel hot rod. But I'm also more than willing to admit to my own impatience.

It's true folks... I'm going to watch The Fast and the Furious and find myself wondering to, well, myself: Will it be worth the dollar-fifty price of admission? Will Paul Walker's piercing eyes pierce my own steely gaze? And does V.D.'s tenor seduce even the most resistant dragon ears? Only time will tell...

Gee Whiz

The first post is the deepest. (To be sung to "The First Cut is the Deepest.")

Not really. But the first installment of anything, and by anything I mean television shows, usually has to set forth the premise, or impetus, or the whatever. There are certain things that need to be established. All this, while managing to pique and then hold viewer interest. We don't have any viewers (um. yet.), so crisis adverted there, but we do have a premise. Ready, go:

Everything is funnier if you pretend a dragon is doing it.

In times of trouble, I like to pretend everything I do is from the POV of a dragon. Not really, but I should. Or I think ABOUT dragons: dragons water-skiing, dragons wearing oven mitts with the Grand Canyon embroidered on them, any sort of dragon/money accounting scenario, a lone dragon participating in a stirring duet of "Colors the Wind" with John Smith.

I'm actually almost certain that none of our following posts will revolve around dragons. But they could. And that's what matters.

I have also managed to use the word "deep" without making any sort of dirty joke. Win-win!

Amanda B